FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Grief and Loss Anonymous

How can there be a 12-Step program about grief and loss?

Any 12-Step program is about being powerless over something and the unmanageability in life that results. Whether someone’s powerlessness is over a chemical (alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, etc.) or a behavior (gambling, sex, shopping, etc.), that powerlessness has prompted unmanageable consequences. Signs of powerlessness from grief and loss include a preoccupation with thoughts of what has been lost, as well as sadness, pain, and grief from that loss carried from day to day. Signs of unmanageability resulting from grief and loss include isolation, damaged relationships, poor work performance, lowered self-esteem, and disengagement from life. Additionally, it is not uncommon that someone masks, numbs, or otherwise tries to escape their pain from grief and loss through addictive behaviors. In other 12-Step programs people often share that the pain that resulted from a grief experience – singular, ongoing, multiple, past, or present – is what prompted their addictive actions.

If I go to a Grief and Loss Anonymous meeting, does that mean I’m an addict?

No. Nowhere in the 12 Steps of G.L.A. are the words addict or addiction mentioned. Those introducing themselves in G.L.A. meetings might state they are recovering from grief and loss, or that they are powerless over grief and loss, or simply say, “I belong here.” The words we use to describe our relationship to grief and loss are not important. Recovery is.

What are the kinds of grief that G.L.A. addresses?

G.L.A. welcomes anyone who is grieving loss of any kind. There are as many different things that we grieve as there are people in G.L.A. recovery. While our stories may be different, the pain we share is the same. We may grieve the loss of a loved one, a relationship that has ended, or the pain over an ongoing relationship. Some have been carrying pain from their grief since childhood. Others grieve the loss of a pet, a job, a business opportunity, finances, a home, a friend, a past time in their life, or the loss of an imagined future. It may be that someone is grieving something they don’t want to share with others – a failed affair, addictive behavior, or the results of that behavior. No matter what prompted your grief, if you are unable to live your life without continually returning to your grief, and it is impacting your life in a negative way, you are welcome in G.L.A. Some of us began G.L.A. knowing we were in pain, but not knowing exactly why. It was only when we started our recovery journey that we learned both the true source of our pain and the tools that would help us heal from the grief that caused it.

How do I know if I belong at a G.L.A. meeting?

Try a meeting. See if the stories you hear and the topics discussed resonate with you. Chances are if what you are feeling has inspired you to attend, they will. Additionally, please look at the “40 Questions for Self-Assessment.”

Can I go to a closed meeting?

Yes. “Closed” means a meeting is open only to those who identify as a member of G.L.A. or those who want to see if the program is right to them. An “Open meeting welcomes anyone regardless of their connection to G.L.A. or desire to explore it as a recovery option.

What does it cost to attend a G.L.A. meeting?

Nothing. There is never any cost to attend a G.L.A. meeting. Each meeting is funded solely by voluntary contributions. There is no donation requirement.

What are G.L.A. meetings like?

Meetings are places where those working on healing their grief and loss share their experiences both before recovery and after starting it. There is no one format that all meetings follow, but most have program readings, leads where someone shares an extended version of their recovery story or speaks about a step, and opportunities for everyone to get current. Meetings may choose to be open only to a specific gender or have a recovery focus unique to that meeting, i.e., those recovering from the loss of a life partner.

Do I have to talk at meetings?

No. You can sit and listen and not say a word. You don’t have to speak or say why you are attending the meeting. Sharing during the meeting is a choice and not an obligation. Everyone at a G.L.A. meeting is there for the same reason – to work on recovering from their personal grief and loss. Your attendance says all that anyone needs to know.

Do I have to give my real name at meetings?

No. We do suggest people share a first name, but that name can be whatever you choose. Most attendees do use their real first name so others can know them a bit better, but it’s not a requirement. You can attend a meeting without stating your real name and use it later if you’d like.

Is attendance taken or do I need to fill out any forms?

No. Meetings are anonymous. No forms are filled out and no one takes attendance.

Do I have to believe in God?

No. You do not have to believe in God to participate in G.L.A.. G.L.A. is open to people of any religion or spiritual belief as well as atheists and agnostics. The G.L.A. program of recovery is spiritually based; it is not religious. Because those in recovery recognize that they cannot recover on their own (most of us have tried), a belief in a power greater than ourselves is encouraged. Whether called Higher Power or God or something completely different, each person defines for themselves what this power greater than themselves is. Some consider it to be nature or science or the recovering group as a while. As noted earlier, G.L.A. is a spiritual program, not a religious one.

Do I have to have a sponsor?

No. But the benefits of having a sponsor, someone who has successfully traveled a path similar to the one you’re starting, can’t be overstated. Just some of the literally priceless (sponsors work for free, getting as much from the sponsorship as the sponsee) advantages to working with a sponsor are:

- Support: Sponsors offer support, guidance, and suggestions for which recovery tools might work best for you and how to use them.

- Accountability: Having someone to whom we allow ourselves to be accountable is a tremendous recovery asset.

- Experience, Strength, and Hope: A sponsor has found relief from their grief and loss on a journey much like the one you’re beginning. The challenges and successes they experienced and share with you will be invaluable in helping you create success on your journey.

To get a sponsor, all you have to do is ask. Find someone whose shares you appreciate

and sobriety you respect. The commitment to your sponsor is only as long as you want it

to be. You can end the relationship at any time. The 12 Steps can be worked alone, but

it is typically more difficult and less effective. A sponsor is a spiritual ally.

Is G.L.A. a place to meet people for dating?

Absolutely not. Meetings are safe spaces for healing. If someone interacts with you in or

out of the meeting in a way that makes you uncomfortable, we encourage you to share

this with another meeting attendee for assistance in addressing what you experienced.

While it is not uncommon that G.L.A. attendees form friendships that extend beyond the

confines of the meeting space, G.L.A. is neither a social club nor a place to find someone

to date. It is a place to work on recovering from grief and loss.

What is the meaning behind the G.L.A. logo?

The dark purple coloring of the circle around the logo and the three lines that trisect it

represent grief, loss, and pain. The yellow of the circle is for hope and a brighter future.

The three lines are reminiscent of a peace symbol. They are inspired by the A.A.

triangle and represent several three-isms of recovery:

- H.O.W. We Recover: Honesty, Openness, and Willingness

- The Three Pillars Recovery: G.L.A. is modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s

three pillars are Recovery, Unity, and Service.

- The Three A’s of Recovery: Awareness, Acceptance, Action.

- The Three P’s of Recovery: Patience, Persistence, Perseverance.